UGHARGHSTUPIDSTUPIDPHOOEY.

(Origianlly written June 2010)

Today's game has left me needing to vent, and I find it irresistable to recall what a horrible year it has been to be a New England sports fan. Let's recap:

#1. Pats get knocked out of the playoffs in the first round by the Ravens, in the most embarassing loss in recent franchise history, characterized by something to which this team was once impervious: apathy. Pats haters come out of the woodwork declaring the end of a dynasty, and Howie Carr performs the near impossible feat of becoming louder and even more obnoxious.

#2. The Bruins become the first team in NHL history to blow a 3-0 series lead by blowing a 3-0 lead in game 7. Decades-old wounds are ripped open, and many children for the first time see their tough crusty dads cry.

#3. The Celtics, against all odds, turn it on in the playoffs and come 4 points shy in game 7 of cementing KG, Ray Allen, and Doc's place in Celtic lore- after which the inevitable breaking up of this special group of players/coaches will occur. And two more words: Ko-be. An incredulous Bill Russell gives Bryant the MVP trophy, knowing full well the Spanaird was deserving party, and the only reason a largely ineffective Kobe received another ring.

#4. After shelling out a record setting payroll for what is largely considered patchwork offense/defense (with the exception of starting pitching- which was largely the justification for the other questionable acquisitions/lack of acquisitions), our starting pitching gets blown up for one of the worst starts in recent Red Sox history.

#5. Two loud mouthed-blowhard divisional opponent NFL coaches acquire the lions share of a ridiculously stacked free-agent group, while Belichick watches quietly, opting yet again for "value" over talent. For another year the Pats are the only team whose intake of Centrum Silver outweighs that of performance enhancing drugs.

#6. World Cup soccer grabs the attention of hicks and yuppies the nation over, only to have their hearts ripped out with a loss to Ghana where the team forgot to show up for the first half, then ran out of energy in extra time from playing for 45 minutes. Post game analysis is given by one of the all-time MLS greats, Alexi Lalas, and New Englanders recall Revolution glory days, when we made it to 3 championships in 4 years- and in a bizarro-Patriots twist, lost ALL OF THEM. Landon Donovan supasses the beloved Cobi Jones and the all time US leader in World Cup matches played, while simultaneously surpassing the Separatists in Quebec for international irrelevancy. Ironically he is possibly the only name Joe-I'msecureenoughinmymanhoodtoadmitthatIwatchedtheWorldCupthisyear-schmo knows from the US men's team.

#7. There are months and months before any game of consequence takes place, providing no distraction from the bitter taste and painful memories of what would not have been nearly as painful if it hadn't been so tantilizingly close. In a revolt against all things athletic, heartbroken fans will turn their tv's off, and baseball ratings will hit an all time low, with the exception of a few hopeful furniture shoppers.

It's June, people. Peace be with you.

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